About a month ago, I went out for my thrice weekly run and after a solid minute of warm-up walking, I had to hobble back home due to the incredible sensation of an invisible four inch spike penetrating my kneecap.
Ever since, my daily ability to stand or walk has been questionable.
So, yeah, that’s been great.
I finally saw a doctor about two weeks ago (the theory is that I have probably torn my meniscus), and today had Baby’s First MRI. They ask you about a hundred times if you have a metal chassis laid over your skeleton or if you’re claustrophobic before you get in the machine. Of course, you know better, and you check “N” all over the forms because of course you’re not some crazy awesome-type-supermutant, and also, who is claustrophobic these days? Not this guy.
Yeah.
So… the instant I sit down to take off my knee-brace, it flies through the air and hits the colossus’s magnet with a sickening THWUMP. The technician and I both blink at the machine for a half second in surprise, while I’m thanking my lucky stars that the magnet wasn’t strong enough to take my already-injured-knee with it. (Although, getting a bionic knee installed kind of sounds hilariously awesome in theory.) Neither of us really figured that my brace was full of metal, but I guess that’s what we deserve for assuming, right? The nice technician lady took the liberty of wrestling it off of the magnet for me, and taking it out of the room before slowly wheeling me into a giant cave of molded plastic and loud noises.
I had a moment of panic as I was halfway enclosed in that giant, noisy tube. Thankfully, I am not burdened with claustrophobia, rather, I am burdened with the amazing gift of being terrified of Anything That Is About To Happen To me Right This Instant. (I’m not sure if there is a handy Latin phrase for this one) I calmed myself down by focusing on how the MRI seems to be made of the same plastic tubing that playgrounds are made of. And before the machine started jackhammering in my ears, my technician gave me headphones and I got to listen to Coldplay.
Man, of all the things, I never, ever thought I would listen to Viva La Vida while a giant magnet sends nuclei-enhancing death rays into my right knee.
Hopefully my doctor gets back to me in the next week or so, in the meantime, I shall continue to wear my metallic exoskeleton and hum Viva La Vida to myself while I hobble through life.
Brittknee, Brittneigh, Brittnooo 