diagnosis

I was really looking forward to this doctor’s appointment, seriously. Going on three months of hobbling around, feeling silly, and not running combined makes me ready for this to be over. I feel like every summer something stupid happens to me and I have to go see a million specialists and pursue some sort of therapy regardless of what I do.

I realize this is extremely fatalistic, but it has kind of become my life.

So I saw the doctor, had my knees x-rayed (nowhere NEAR as exciting as the MRI, let me tell you), sat in a cold examining room while he developed the films, and finally had a short chat with him.

normal knee x-ray (not mine)

normal knee x-ray (not mine) taken from trentmueller.com

He says I have Patellofemoral pain syndrome. It’s also called “runner’s knee”, and it is also called “something that ladies sometimes get especially if you are loose-jointed” (which I am). Basically, my kneecaps sit off to the side, which has ground a lot of the cartilage off of the top of my knees. And because of that I have osteoarthritis (again, both knees). He has prescribed some physical therapy, but that is about all there is to do, besides pain medications and just learning to deal with this for the rest of my life.

I realize that this isn’t a death sentence, it could absolutely have been a worse diagnosis, but still.

This is incredibly discouraging. I have to avoid high-impact workouts like running, crossfit, etc, and pick up on low-impact workouts. My knees are always going to hurt.

Now, I’m an extrovert, and the baby of the family. I’m used to and often enjoy being the center of attention. It’s a part of who I am, how I entertain and make friends, and also my job. Since I’ve started having joint issues in high school, I often get to this point in the cycle of pain and achy-ness where I get incredibly paranoid about the pain, and how people react to my pain. I essentially get to this place where I feel like a) nobody believes that I’m actually in pain and b) everyone thinks that I am talking about it/ going to the doctor for more attention.

This is pretty much where I say (more for myself than for anyone else):
I DO NOT WANT THIS TO BE MY LIFE.

seriously.

Health and progress

This is a progress check in for my dieting and stuff:

 

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I’ve gone from a borderline size 14-16 to a size 12. I used to weigh 189lbs and now I weigh around 155lbs. I used to not run at all, and now I feel like a slob on my days off of running.

It’s a nice feeling.

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I don’t look THAT different, but I look different. And that’s a super nice feeling.

and i ran

I have been working hard to stay focused on getting fit for this summer. It’s the type of goal that millions of women devote themselves to every year that I never thought I’d actually accomplish.

In September, my best friend got engaged and she asked me to be her maid of honor. I also bought a plane ticket to Kona, Hawaii for June 12, 2012. Jessica and I started a diet pact to be encouraging and work hard together to get ourselves in happier, healthier shape for our exciting oncoming year. A final term of college and the stress on top of it made the control of a diet work well for me, and I started the Couch to 5k program in April.

Today, I finished week 7 of my 8 week program, successfully running 20 minutes without feeling like I was going to die, pass out, throw up, or kill myself. I am incredibly proud of my progress, and super excited to finish the 5k runs in the next two weeks before I land in Kona.

My biggest problem with running is that I can’t completely zone out while doing so. I get halfway between bored and tired. More of an “I-don’t-wanna-do-this-anymore” than an “I-am-going-to-die-right-now” sensation. I’m going to download some audiobooks or podcasts and give them a try on Tuesday, but in the meantime, heavy bass and dubstep have been working pretty well for me.

The general topic so far of my personal blog has been “My life lacks focus” and I’m so aware of that. I’ve chosen to put running at the top of my focus list for the rest of the summer.

Current goal: Run a 5k, only stopping for 3 minutes halfway through.
End of summer goal: Train for and run a 10k