HEY, REMEMBER THESE DEPRESSING POSTS?
You know, the ones from last year when I gave up on Grad school because I just wasn’t ready for it, and I hated everything, and I wasted $150 on the wrong test?
I’m taking the test this year. Next month, in fact.
This may or may not be contributing to my stress level.
I am doing my best to study and re-learn all of the basic algebra I learned in 7th grade and figure out how to apply that math to logic problems. I am attempting to learn new vocabulary. I am TRYING SUPER HARD because I really would like to go get an M.A. or an M.Ed. and maybe not get called out on how much I suck at math for a living.
I am trying very hard to be hopeful and optimistic. It’s hard to be that way when you continually fail math drills.
My goal this time around is to get into a Master’s of Education program. Specifically one that will allow me to specialize in college administration and advising. I have dreamed about working as a student affairs specialist since I worked at the local community college, and I am super excited and eager for the idea of having a CAREER GOAL. I’ve had half-hearted career goals since high school, but never a definitive drive for a specific field. While my friends became veterinarians, wrote novels, pursued mission work or created intense portfolios of creative work, I kicked around, saying, “uh, I don’t know, I could teach, I guess,”.
Teaching IS a serious passion of mine, but I have learned that I excel best on a one-on-one, semi-formal basis. The idea of standing in front of a classroom of students being called by my last name just straight up doesn’t appeal to me. The idea, however, of meeting one on one with a student and helping them figure out a problem in a relaxed setting, or buying them coffee or lunch when they can’t afford it, or helping them find a good laundromat, really appeals to me. The field of student affairs is ENORMOUS and there are A BILLION THINGS I could end up doing in order to help students on a college campus, and that sort of busy, helpful, and fun job really, really excites me.
I’m back to studying more today. About every other study session is either incredibly depressing or encouraging. I am forcefully BELIEVING that tonight it will be good, and remember and focus that my new goal is giving me extra life.