braindead; batdead

Hey, what’s up?
I’ve been struggling with anything to say since I took the GRE. I’ve been kind of brain dead, fried, busier at work, and basically kind of just focused on stupid things, like the idea of a cute Batman.

blush bat

No, not like how dreamy Christian Bale is, or how totally adorbs Adam West was in his prime. No, like, CUTE BATMAN.

Like, what if Batman became Batman not because he fell into a pit and was terrified by bats, but because he thought they were sweet and adorable and misunderstood?

What if Batman was a misunderstood orphan boy who wore footie pajamas and ate fruit and saved bats that needed to be nursed back to health?

I mean, LOOK AT THAT FACE.

Cute batman in a fleece sweater, running around at night, looking for bats with broken wings.

Busy Baby Bat Clinic was barometer for bad weather in Queensland, Brisbane, Australia - 18 Dec 2010

Cute batman, educating the world about how freakin’ adorable bats can be.

bat4

bat2Hog Nosed Bat

TL;DR: I am braindead and bats are cute.

gre part 2

HEY, REMEMBER THESE DEPRESSING POSTS?

You know, the ones from last year when I gave up on Grad school because I just wasn’t ready for it, and I hated everything, and I wasted $150 on the wrong test?

Well.

I’m taking the test this year. Next month, in fact.

This may or may not be contributing to my stress level.

I am doing my best to study and re-learn all of the basic algebra I learned in 7th grade and figure out how to apply that math to logic problems. I am attempting to learn new vocabulary. I am TRYING SUPER HARD because I really would like to go get an M.A. or an M.Ed. and maybe not get called out on how much I suck at math for a living.


I am trying very hard to be hopeful and optimistic. It’s hard to be that way when you continually fail math drills.

My goal this time around is to get into a Master’s of Education program. Specifically one that will allow me to specialize in college administration and advising. I have dreamed about working as a student affairs specialist since I worked at the local community college, and I am super excited and eager for the idea of having a CAREER GOAL. I’ve had half-hearted career goals since high school, but never a definitive drive for a specific field. While my friends became veterinarians, wrote novels, pursued mission work or created intense portfolios of creative work, I kicked around, saying, “uh, I don’t know, I could teach, I guess,”.

Teaching IS a serious passion of mine, but I have learned that I excel best on a one-on-one, semi-formal basis. The idea of standing in front of a classroom of students being called by my last name just straight up doesn’t appeal to me. The idea, however, of meeting one on one with a student and helping them figure out a problem in a relaxed setting, or buying them coffee or lunch when they can’t afford it, or helping them find a good laundromat, really appeals to me. The field of student affairs is ENORMOUS and there are A BILLION THINGS I could end up doing in order to help students on a college campus, and that sort of busy, helpful, and fun job really, really excites me.

I’m back to studying more today. About every other study session is either incredibly depressing or encouraging. I am forcefully BELIEVING that tonight it will be good, and remember and focus that my new goal is giving me extra life.

Welp.

Even though I called and cancelled my wrong registration, these still came in the mail this week.

Well, dangit. Now I have something to stare at longingly while I wait for the money to come from wrok to re-register for the correct grad-school-application etc test. I guess I will learn from this mistake? But knowing me, I totally won’t, so I am trying very hard not to care about it at all.

I did manage to get a test-booklet at Powell’s the other day, so I can study in the mean time, hooray… so fun.

the effect of clutter

Because I took the time today to re-examine my grad school requirements, I discovered that I registered for the wrong GRE exam. D’oh! I can’t believe I did that, and I’m INCREDIBLY embarrassed about it. I guess it only serves, right, that I think I’m incredibly smart and applying to grad school, and here I go register for an expensive test and pick the wrong one.

Oh wells.

Today I finished reading The Fault in Our Stars by John Green.

The book was beautifully written: Green manages to write from the point of view of a dying teenage girl with grace and style. As I was reading it, I felt like I was reading a blog or a real-time diary of someone who actually existed. It’s rare that I (as a reader) ever doubt the reality of a well-written novel, but Hazel’s witty comments and sometimes honest-or-defeatist opinions really came across as completely genuine.

It might just be because I choose to spend my time reading books about talking magic unicorns, of course, but Green’s novel struck me in a way that words haven’t in a very long time. As I finished the book on the bus, I cried. I couldn’t help myself, and could barely get myself to put the book down (even though I could no longer see the words on the page through my eyelashes) to wipe my face, clear my contacts, and continue reading. This is only the second time I have ever cried from reading a book (The first time was a selection from “World Without End” by Helen Thomas), and good lord, now I have to read Green’s other works. And I’m the person who avoids sappy/romantic novels and films. What on earth have I gotten myself into?

I hope they don’t make me cry. But I kind of do.

grad school, part 1

Yesterday I registered for the GRE (English Subject test), and today I bought a study guide for that test.

tidal

I read the first thirty pages and promptly had a panic attack.

It can’t be all that bad, I’m sure, but I’ve heard that it’s both like having the entirety of your brain scooped out and replaced and also that it’s not like that at all, more like having needles shoved up your toenails while you recite “The Old Man and the Sea”. I’m absolutely sure that in the next three months I’ll completely regret my lack of interest and avoidance of general English Subject matter during the course of my B.A. … but whatever.

I have until October 13 to figure this stuff out.

And then, I guess, we’ll see. Or something.