alone

So, we’ve established that I’m an extrovert. I’m at my happiest around people.
I am also a single lady, and trying to attend every social event, and plan for grad school, and work, and sleep, and work out, and balancing everything lately has been nearly impossible.
I seriously have been kind of feeling like a nauseous kid on the teacup ride at DisneyLand. “THIS… IS… TOO… FUN… FOR ME! *pukes*”

So I am trying to learn how to be alone.
Not necessarily “single”. Though that is a big part of it. Finding peace with not being in a committed relationship is sometimes impossible because society tells us that we aren’t happy until we find the one person that completes us. And yeah, I’d like to find that person, but you know what? I really don’t want to rush into it.

So I am trying to learn how to be alone.

Being alone is hard.

I really don’t LIKE being alone, but I am trying to get used to having more “Me Parties” because, quite frankly, I need them.

The ‘ME PARTY’ is an important invention, though! It allows me to study for that test I’m taking in two months, clean my room, refocus my life. It allows me to start a new project, watch puppy gifs for hours straight, and braid and re-braid my hair until my hands hurt. The ‘ME PARTY’ means I can eat whatever I want for dinner, even if that IS hot dogs with ramen noodles or nachos. I can listen to dubstep really really loud if I want to, or I can listen to “Frontier Psychiatrist” on repeat for hours.

I can put new photos up on my walls without having to ask anyone if they like it, I can try out new makeup tutorials. I can go to a bar and read my book and enjoy a beer, or I can sit at home and down a bottle of wine while watching the A-Team on Netflix. I can draw weird things in my notebook and not have someone ask me why I’m drawing a wolf with a skull imposed over top, or a really ugly cow.

Being alone makes you free to make plans with people, if you want! Or not. You don’t have to report to anybody, and you aren’t limited by someone else’s allergies, hates, desires, or needs. Being alone means you can join a club or a gym. It means if you fall in love with salsa dancing that you can go every night of the weekend and take lessons on Tuesdays. Being alone means you can make a mess of a craft project in your living room without disturbing anybody, or you can do laundry in your underwear and sing opera.

Being alone means I don’t have to schedule around someone else. Being alone means I can try out new hairstyles or shop for shoes on the internet for hours. Being alone means that I can daydream about the dog I want to buy without worrying about compromise.

Being alone means that when you see your friend’s blog post about their happy relationship that you can smile, be happy for them, take a moment to hope that someday you have something like that, and then move on with all of the things you won’t be able to do once you get there. Like baking cookies at 4am while watching Grease 2.

Yeah, stuff like that.

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One thought on “alone

  1. This reminds me of why I’ll probably live alone after The Geek runs off to get a job or go back to school – it’s just so nice to have that space. If I make a mess or walk around in my underwear, instead of being a weird roommate no one else has to know and I can enjoy having my apartment to myself!

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