When we arrived at the campsite, we marveled in nature’s glory, stretched our legs after a 10 hour drive from one end of Oregon to the other, and then nearly got eaten alive by mosquitos.
THEY WERE EVERYWHERE. IT SUCKED.
Thankfully, we had all brought awful toxic chemical sprays that protect you from such bugs. As a person who tends to be very allergic to bug bites of all sorts (remind me to tell you about the spider bite I got in the third grade that made my leg swell up 4 times its size so I couldn’t walk for a week) I am extremely thankful for such inventions, even though they are totally poison, make you cough like nothing else, and will most likely melt off your fingernail polish.
Being lazy in the outdoors while protected from biting insects is pretty awesome. There is nothing else like soaking in a beautiful vista or intently observing ants fight on a log while you don’t have to worry about hordes of raving mosquitos devouring your flesh.
One thing about camping, though, that I hadn’t really realized, was that there were deer in our campsite. And they were… pretty tame and not afraid of us at all. Which is great, until you are three feet away from a giant doe who really wants to eat your potato chips.
This particular doe haunted our campsite all weekend. It’s funny to think about how as a city girl, I started out in awe, wonderment and excitement to be so close to a deer! Deer! They are majestic, like Bambi! And hipsters get tattoos of them and also wear flannel shirts and I’M wearing a flannel shirt! This deer and I, we could be best friends!
Except deer are not your friends. Deer want to eat your chips.
Girl, if there is anything you know about me, it should be that I do not share my chips.
The stupid deer haunted our campsite, one of our party WHO SHALL NOT BE NAMED (It was totally Jessica) made a trail of chips through our camp “so the deer could be lured to pose majestically on the rock” and then the deer never left and walked through our campsite ALL NIGHT LONG making coughing noises.
The crowning moment of Deer Interaction and Brittneigh occurred on Saturday night, when, at dusk, I walked to the latrine in the twilight. The doe, who was LURKING FOR CHIPS, decided to follow me to the latrine. When I came out of the latrine, it had brought two friends. Three big, bony deer, all standing in a semi-circle around the latrine door, waiting for me to come out.
I did what anyone else would do.
I SCREAMED BLOODY MURDER AT THEM, terrifying the rest of the camp as well as the deer.
Yeah, deer. Don’t mess with me.
I’m a screamer.