Growing up I was so terrified of ghosts and skeletons that I would stop sleeping around Halloween and just hide under my covers in sheer terror at the thought of a skull-faced monster leering at me.

I’m a little bit better about it now.

I’ve embraced the fashion of bones and skeletons, and don’t hide under my covers anymore… unless I accidentally get sucked into a ghost hunter show while home alone and then have to frantically call up a bunch of friends to have them convince me that I’m not going to be… I don’t know, touched by a ghost or something? I don’t even get why I’m so terrified of the idea of a malignant spirit, but there you go! WHO SAYS I CAN’T BE IRRATIONAL.

On the subject of ghosts, though.

I really really really really really really hope I get to haunt someone. And that it’s just like being alive, only that you’re invisible.

Things I will do when I am a ghost:

  1. Steal all of your shoelaces.
  2. Go “WoooOOOoooooOOOOoooooooo!!!” a lot.
  3. Do loads of laundry when people aren’t home.
  4. Get the owners of my house to rely on me to do their laundry.
  5. Produce a red sock and dye all of their whites pink. (but only ONCE IN A WHILE)
  6. Make faces of dead Presidents appear in shower curtains, bathroom tiles, and pieces of toast.
  7. Rearrange vases, figurines, and photographs innapropriately.
  8. Produce ugly knick-knacks and leave them around the house for the owners to find.
  9. Make the walls shake when the owners get rid of my ugly knick-knacks.
  10. Write nonsensical phrases in the fog on the bathroom mirror. (“O’Doyle RULES!” / “Did you know that turkeys sleep in trees?”)
  11. Meow, periodically.
  12. Convince other ghosts to show up and inaccurately re-enact historical moments in the house, as if they occurred there.



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